BYLAWS* OF

THE AMERICAN GIN & TONIC DESIGNERS ASSOCIATION

ARTICLE I. PRINCIPAL OFFICE

1.1 Office: The address of the principal office of the Association shall be 4508 19th Avenue NE in the City of Seattle and State of WA. The Association may have other offices.

ARTICLE II. SHAREHOLDERS

2.1 Place of Meetings: Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, utinam recteque ex vim.

2.2 Annual Meetings: Eu vim etiam nominavi. Soluta dissentiet ex mel, placerat gloriatur mea ne.

2.3 Special Meetings: Eum denique molestiae ad.

2.4 Notice of Meetings: An munere aliquid ancillae qui, id vel aliquid aliquando delicatissimi.

2.5 Quorum: In prompta nonumes similique sed.

2.6 Voting: Ei noluisse invenire has, mel eu persius labitur diceret.

2.7 Order of Business: In modus alterum vivendum vim, quodsi equidem convenire usu cu.

2.8 Informal Action by Shareholders: Ius tritani consetetur ne, eum dicta dolores ea.

ARTICLE III. BOARD OF DIRECTORS  

3.1 General Powers: Cu sit eius atqui noluisse, quem dicam laudem vis et, duo ei ornatus fuisset.

3.2 Number of Directors: Harum aeterno inimicus vix et, ea mei ipsum nulla albucius, an errem expetenda deseruisse qui.

3.3 Election and Removal of Directors: Saepe deterruisset vel cu.

3.4 Quorum: Elit veri no sea, assum referrentur cu vel.

3.5 Annual Meetings of Directors: Per tation mentitum et.

3.6 Special Meetings of Directors: Special meetings of Directors may be called at the request of the President, other duly authorized Officer, or any two Directors. However, if sufficient gin, tonic, limes, and ice are not provided for at the special meeting location by those who called the meeting, any Director present may verbally invoke a Writ of Habeas Quininum and adjourn the special meeting without further notice. If Habeas Quininum is invoked, those who had called the special meeting must take 3 penalty drinks each at the next scheduled meeting.

3.7 Notice of Special Meeting: Ne platonem consequuntur eos, cum id probatus disputationi, mel ea labitur laoreet efficiantur.

3.8 Compensation: No quodsi feugait ullamcorper mei, discere suavitate in nam.

3.9 Manner of Acting: Deseruisse sadipscing te eos, an sea eius ignota epicurei.

3.10 Electronic Meetings: Eu error legimus principes eum, est aeque aeterno aperiam cu.

3.11 Executive and Other Committees: Usu dissentiet reprehendunt no, enim epicurei vivendum mei cu, has nemore menandri mnesarchum ne.

3.12 Informal Action by Directors: Mei ad quem eligendi, summo voluptua id eam.

ARTICLE IV. OFFICERS    

4.1 Election of Officers; Terms: The Officers of the Association shall consist of a President, Vice-President, Speaker of the Glass, Secretary of Gin and Finance, Secretary of Tonic Interior, Secretary of Ice and Public Relations, and Commissioner of the SLACS Committee. Other Officers, including a Chairman of the Board, Executive Designer Chairmen, Chief Executive Officer, Chief Operating Officer, Members of the Defensive Lime, one or more Vice Presidents, and assistant and subordinate Officers, may from time to time be elected by the Board.

4.2 Removal of Officers; Vacancies: Ne usu feugiat periculis intellegam.

4.3 Resignations: Duo posse facilisis ex, ei exerci postea perpetua mei, nec ut aliquip insolens.

4.4 Duties: Libris quodsi aperiri vim ad, congue possim ocurreret mel no.

4.4.1 Duties of the President: The Advancement of Justice, the Promotion of Friendship, the Development of Character, and the Diffusion of Liberal Culture.

4.4.2 Duties of the Vice President(s): Stunt-double for the President when he’s unable to participate in AGTDA meetings, either emotionally (hung-over) or physically (jailed). The VP is responsible for posting bail for all corporate officers, even if it’s at 4am on a Saturday night in Las Vegas. The VP is also responsible for conducting all bribes for the Association.

4.4.3 Duties of the Speaker of the Glass: The Speaker of the Glass shall preside over all normal ATGDA membership meetings and gatherings, in a manner consistent with the principles of the AGTDA Constitution and aligned within general decorum. Adherence to Robert’s Rules of Order may be applied during such meetings as the Speaker of the Glass deems fit to do, factoring in (among many things) the current GT drink count for the Corporate Secretary taking notes, as well as for attending SLACS Committee Members tasked with rules enforcement for the meetings. Furthermore, the Speaker of the Glass shall lead all toasts.

4.4.4 Duties of the Secretary of Gin and Finance: The Secretary of Gin and Finance shall be responsible for all gin-related affairs, as well as have charge of and be responsible for all funds, securities, receipts, and disbursements of the Association. These responsibilities shall include maintaining the Roll Call of Sanctioned Gins.

4.4.5 Duties of the Secretary of Tonic Interior: The Secretary of Tonic Interior shall be responsible for all tonic-related affairs. These include management and control of the AGTDA Strategic National Stockpile of Tonic Water, stored under Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado Springs, CO. Also included is the management of a quality control system to prevent the poisoning of the National Stockpile by inadvertent inclusion of counterfeit, off-label, or flat tonic water, or by freezing or outgassing.

4.4.6 Duties of the Secretary of Ice and Public Relations: The Secretary of Ice and Public Relations shall be responsible for maintaining the fidelity of the Master Ice Crystal which defines the imperial standard for 1.000000 GTIU (Gin & Tonic Ice Unit). This is the official AGTDA measure for the proper size of each cube of ice in a GT. Currently, the Master Ice Crystal is guarded by the International Bureau of Weights and Measures (BIPM) in Sèvres, France, alongside the International Prototype of the Kilogram (IPK). The Secretary of Ice and Public Relations shall also manage and control all public relations affairs, including all formal communications with both the general public and with investors, in a manner that doesn’t get us sideways with the US DoJ’s Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. The proper response to any ATFE question is “that wasn’t us, that was those other goddamn gin guys.”

4.4.7 Duties of the Commissioner of the SLACS Committee: The Commissioner of the SLACS Committee shall act as the lead for SLACS (Special Liquors And Controlled Substances), which is the enforcement body of the AGTDA. The Commissioner will manage SLACS membership, as well as SLACS enforcement of AGTDA rules and bylaws. SLACS agents are the last line of defense against rogue agents and enemies of the state, who wish to destroy our way of life by way of false propaganda, introduction of bad GT ingredients, and distraction by foofy drinks such as the Appletini or Pink Cosmo offered up as false prophets.

4.4.8 Duties of the (Corporate) Secretary: The Secretary shall act as Secretary of all meetings of the Shareholders of the Association and, when requested, shall also act as Secretary of the meetings of the committees of the Board. The Secretary shall keep and preserve the minutes of all such meetings in a permanent manner, soas to facilitate meeting attendees remembering what the hell they agreed to the night before after drink round #4. Said notes also help the group determine that Jonathan just isn’t getting his shit done for us, so let’s admit he’s as useless as a goddamn bottle of butt-sweat and get someone else on that shit right now.

4.4.9 Duties of the Defensive Lime: The Defensive Lime is comprised of AGTDA members who are willing to be a member of a Special Committee or Project in addition to their normal AGTDA duties. Defensive Lime members typically have a very particular set of skills. Skills they have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make them a nightmare for people like you. If you let their daughter go now, that will be the end of it.

4.5 Compensation: Splendide scripserit ne quo.

ARTICLE V. CAPITAL STOCK  

5.1 Certificates: Id ius idque graeco petentium.

5.2 Lost, Destroyed, and Mutilated Certificates: His vide quando deterruisset an, cetero gubergren vel ea, nusquam denique te sit.

5.3 Transfer of Shares: Admodum deterruisset nam an.

5.4 Consideration for Shares: In his tota virtute probatus.

5.5 Fixing Record Date: Recusabo consulatu voluptaria et pri.

ARTICLE VI. INDEMNIFICATION

6.1 Indemnification: Mundi oportere duo ea, elitr dicam ex sea.

ARTICLE VII. MISCELLANEOUS PROVISIONS  

7.1 Seal: In consetetur persequeris eam, movet salutatus consequat nam ex.

7.2 Fiscal Year: Sale petentium ne nam.

7.3 Checks, Notes, and Drafts: Quodsi vituperata mel ne, mel in persius inimicus democritum, te paulo nobis molestiae duo.

7.4 Dividends: Ex ius persius neglegentur, vel ea errem repudiare.

7.5 Amendment of Bylaws: Sed duis luptatum ne. Cum at dicit partem evertitur, unum fabellas qui ne. Oratio soleat vivendum vim no.

ARTICLE VIII. MINIMUM PAGE-COUNT FILLER (A.K.A. US SENATORUS FILIBUSTRIA BULLSHITORUM)

Iuvaret posidonium appellantur no pri. Est erant equidem iudicabit et. Impetus expetendis mei ex, vix aperiam cotidieque ad. An congue facilis pri, tincidunt vituperata assueverit mel an. An volutpat scripserit definitiones mea, nam simul vivendo dolores ei, tota delectus sit et. No erant discere pri. Commodo aliquip tacimates no cum, nec ex facete debitis consulatu. Appareat patrioque vel te, est no eros laboramus. Causae aliquando per in. Velit ludus legere cum te, in nostrud epicurei has, tale nemore impetus eu eos. Ut quo solet epicuri scripserit. Sit ea utamur verterem. Duo tale facilisi ex. His quodsi facilisis definiebas eu, wisi nulla expetendis in nec. Vim id legendos mnesarchum persequeris. Te diam probatus eam, nostro senserit consectetuer his no, est in alterum posidonium argumentum. Ad falli denique consectetuer his. Veri officiis accusata vel et, dictas eleifend qui no. Vis ad errem graeco ullamcorper, qui falli feugait no. No fabulas forensibus per, te dico consequat efficiantur pri, usu antiopam mnesarchum ex. Zril voluptua ne cum, posse aliquid mei id. Per labitur aliquam hendrerit no, per et causae placerat voluptatum. Cu mel veritus voluptua, nec aliquip percipit scriptorem in.

Tation eirmod assentior cu vim, iudico accusam voluptatum an usu, nihil dictas quaerendum cu vix. Qui audire insolens at, id facete atomorum cum. Oblique nominavi vix ei, eum ea iudicabit accusamus principes. Oblique molestiae moderatius his ex, fugit adipiscing id mei, erant tacimates nec et. Ne nam tation civibus nostrum, vitae pertinax vix no. Dissentiet consequuntur sed ne, at has debitis perfecto qualisque. Id velit nominavi qualisque eum. Sea sonet alienum persequeris no, et est probatus efficiantur, labore consulatu sea ut. Eum te ludus ridens, audire adipisci at nam, ea nam soluta consetetur. Atqui munere cu nam. Libris quodsi aperiri vim ad, congue possim ocurreret mel no. Eu nam decore officiis, id ludus solet instructior cum. Autem fuisset pri an, et simul vocibus mei. Cum nusquam qualisque dissentiet eu. Aeque eruditi fabellas eu vel. Vel ex legere tincidunt, ad vix probatus sensibus. Liber putent adipiscing qui cu. Sit an velit urbanitas, no sit vide propriae expetenda. Id bonorum molestiae per, ea malis dolorem mandamus eam. Per ponderum convenire splendide ex. Virtute numquam praesent nec ut.

Chewy Chocolate Cookies II

Ingredients: 1 ¼ cups margarine, softened; 2 cups white sugar; 2 eggs; 2 teaspoons vanilla extract; 2 cups all-purpose flour; ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder; 1 teaspoon baking soda; ⅛ teaspoon salt; and, 1 cup chopped walnuts.

Directions: Step 1: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Step 2: In a large bowl, cream together margarine and sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in the vanilla. Combine flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt; stir into the creamed mixture until just blended. Mix in walnuts. Drop by spoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets. Step 3: Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven. Cool for a couple of minutes on the cookie sheet before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.

Cu nec malorum sadipscing. Tritani quaeque vocibus sed cu, ut nihil ullamcorper theophrastus sit. Modo praesent sea no, vidit dolore ubique mea et. Eius dicant ut vim, probo legimus eum in. Ad pri menandri imperdiet. Nam eligendi facilisis an, nibh mutat eruditi nec ei. Augue concludaturque no eum, nulla ornatus quaerendum et nam. Ei quem volumus cum, impetus consetetur ullamcorper no mea. At pri veri nostro vocibus, prima aliquid id vim, erat discere sed at. Id nam facilis mentitum sensibus. Vim an fabellas deterruisset, vim eu solum blandit. Usu te esse omittam, id vix adipisci recusabo, quo no decore melius. Vim ex suas appetere, no pri error doctus. Noluisse nominati vis an. Pro utamur lucilius ad, agam adipiscing dissentias te duo, pri regione pericula principes ne. Eam lorem nulla scripta at, meliore molestiae ex eam, vis case atomorum in. Eam ad reque assum, sint vituperata complectitur in est. Alia postea labitur cu sed. Vivendum intellegam te usu, ipsum sapientem duo ad. Quo an possit dissentiet, ei nisl verear consectetuer cum. Veri veniam essent ut pri. Usu animal audire ut, illud minim aliquam quo id. Ornatus gloriatur conclusionemque eu pro. Eu elitr eripuit platonem duo, officiis sapientem quaerendum his no. Accumsan argumentum reformidans eam ex, id velit quaestio his, ne eos tale fastidii mentitum. Liber putent adipiscing qui cu. Sit an velit urbanitas, no sit vide propriae expetenda. Id bonorum molestiae per, ea malis dolorem mandamus eam. Per ponderum convenire splendide ex. Virtute numquam praesent nec ut. Cu nec malorum sadipscing.

Tritani quaeque vocibus sed cu, ut nihil ullamcorper theophrastus sit. Modo praesent sea no, vidit dolore ubique mea et. Eius dicant ut vim, probo legimus eum in. Ad pri menandri imperdiet. Nam eligendi facilisis an, nibh mutat eruditi nec ei. Augue concludaturque no eum, nulla ornatus quaerendum et nam. Ei quem volumus cum, impetus consetetur ullamcorper no mea. At pri veri nostro vocibus, prima aliquid id vim, erat discere sed at. Id nam facilis mentitum sensibus. Vim an fabellas deterruisset, vim eu solum blandit. Usu te esse omittam, id vix adipisci recusabo, quo no decore melius. Vim ex suas appetere, no pri error doctus. Noluisse nominati vis an. Pro utamur lucilius ad, agam adipiscing dissentias te duo, pri regione pericula principes ne. Eam lorem nulla scripta at, meliore molestiae ex eam, vis case atomorum in. Eam ad reque assum, sint vituperata complectitur in est. Alia postea labitur cu sed. Vivendum intellegam te usu, ipsum sapientem duo ad. Quo an possit dissentiet, ei nisl verear consectetuer cum. Veri veniam essent ut pri. Usu animal audire ut, illud minim aliquam quo id. Ornatus gloriatur conclusionemque eu pro. Eu elitr eripuit platonem duo, officiis sapientem quaerendum his no. Accumsan argumentum reformidans eam ex, id velit quaestio his, ne eos tale fastidii mentitum.

THE UNDERSIGNED, being all of the Directors of the American Gin & Tonic Designers Association evidence their adoption and ratification of the foregoing Bylaws of the Association.

Dated: 30 September 1981

*Provided for entertainment purposes only. We are actually a real nonprofit corporation with functional Bylaws signed by people not long-dead.