Men have obsessed over quifes since they got a big enough brain to scratch their earliest thoughts and ideas into stone. Over time, their topical art work became more and more sophisticated — but somehow quifes stayed magical in their minds, a mystical puff of wind back from the gods to reward them for their primal urges. Eventually legends were borne and handed down by story-telling from generation to generation.

However, as mankind has done over and over again, what was not understood was thus feared and demonized. As a result, many of these initial legends of quifedom were horrifying and cautionary. A particular strain of such tales were of the v***** dentata variety, which completely overshadowed quifely wonder and beauty with the primal male fear of dismemberment.

The V******Japanese Demon. According to the Ainu legend, a young woman had the unfortunate problem of a demon living inside her genitalia. Two young men fell prey to this sharp-toothed demon, as they were castrated while attempting to consummate their marriages on their wedding nights. After that, the woman had finally had enough of this problem, and she created a device - an iron phallus that removed the teeth from her v****** cavity.

The Toothy Hindu God. One legend tells the story of a demon who took the form of the female deity Parvati in order to eliminate the male god Shiva. The demon, resembling Parvati, placed fangs inside of its own v****** cavity. He planned to seduce Shiva and end him with the fangs protruding from the demon's privates. However, Shiva saw through this plot and decided that the best way to destroy the demon was by charging thunderbolts out of his shaft.

The Rattlesnake Crotch Of The Pacific Northwest. The Tsimshian and Kwakiutl tribes of the Pacific Northwest have a myth that tells the story of a beautiful woman with a rattlesnake for female genitalia. Luckily, this can be easily fixed, if a tribal hero chews an herb and spits on her genitals.

Eventually, Sir Francis Bacon opened the Age of Enlightenment by defining the scientific method, which thankfully most of us still use today.

Today in modern times, we now know that the skills needed by a proficient gin taster (a sharpened sense of taste coupled with the nose of a bloodhound) are also perfectly suited for the proper appreciation of a good quife. Why, it’s as if Odin himself wanted the two to go together, you see! Since quifes are simply expulsions of trapped ambient air, differentiation can be determined only by trace scents from the vessel itself. And the same gin connoisseur that can differentiate the individual elements of the trace botanicals and other vapor-infused gin ingredients can instantly recognize the scent of his ladylove’s quife from any other.

Now that mankind has evolved into a somewhat more sophisticated form of life, the proficient AGTDA man can also appreciate and celebrate all that accompanies that odiferous signature: the intimate little secret that he and his paramour share together, having created a tiny puff of gods-breath all by themselves.